And the results are ....

That's a big fat negative folks. We are obviously disappointed but it's only our first "go round" so to say so we didn't really expect a positive result. We shall "Keep Calm & Carry On".

We'd like to thank all of you for your thoughts & support & mostly prayers.

I spoke with a Dr. at UConn who is also top in the fertility field. He read my results & said we should go with injectable meds because of my age instead of Clomid then the IUI. (Yes, it isn't the way I envisioned getting pregnant but after 5 almost 6 years of doing things "the old-fashioned" way we just want to be parents already).
So we will scrimp & save to be able to afford it.

Heading to bed. Exhausted after thinking about the disappointment of today & options for our future plans. We've got some decisions to make.

Ill go into those at a later time.

Thanks again,

A & J

Tick ... Tock ... Tick ... Tock ...

Could time go any slower?? 

Well .... It's January 29th & I've been going semi "crazy".  LOL .. Just kidding, I'm not patient enough to wait until the 2nd of February until I can test to see if I'm pregnant.  I actually took a test yesterday much to my husband's chagrin.  He said "You know you're testing too early & when it comes back negative don't be disappointed but it comes back positive you'll need to call an ambulance to have them come & pick me up off the floor."  He was semi kidding of course.  LOL ... He will be shocked if we do get a positive pregnancy test.  I'm not sure who's going to hit the floor first, him or me!  ; ) 

I have been putting off my ultrasound as I was hoping that I was wrong about it being a cyst & would start feeling better.  Nope, so I go get an ultrasound tomorrow.  I'm nervous as every time I go in it just seems that I get more & more bad news.  If I do have another cyst then no more Clomid until we can figure out why I'm getting cysts which are new for me & then get rid of them.  (sigh)

So .. I try & keep myself busy during the day.  It snowed last night & Jonathan went skiing to just get out & reduce stress.  I stayed home & chilled with the dogs.  We went out & played in the snow - the puppy LOVES the snow & was rolling (literally) around in it while we were out.  LOL ... that reduced my stress so today was an overall great day. 

I DID do some research on different facilities & connected with a very kind lady at the University of Connecticut.  I emailed my test results out for the Head of the Department to look at them & just give his opinion.  I trust & love my Dr. but I'd be remiss if I didn't get a second opinion before we spend $20,000 & used an egg donor or embryo adoption if that's in fact the way we decide to go.  I'd recommend that to anyone going through this process do as much research you can, form your own opinion - every center is different & has different approaches & then get a second opinion - unless you get pregnant right way then congrats!  Some centers will grab your records & just give you a 15 minute consult over the phone for free.  Who knew right?  You've got to be your own advocate & that's what I'm doing.  Hubby is right on board with me!  :)  

This is how we feel about time right now!

Enough for now.  Time for bed.  One day down, a few more to go!  Not sure if they could tell if I am pregnant tomorrow or if it's too early.  Guess we'll see.  I'm thinking I'm not as I'm not showing any signs or symptoms ... But I've been ORDERED told by my best friend, Sarah, to remain positive.  So positive it shall be. 

  

Goodnight & thanks for reading. 

 

New Development ...

Well ... Today there was a small development.

If you may remember from earlier posts, I had to defer any hormone stimulation due to a large ovarian cyst in my right ovary. After 3 months that cyst was seen on ultrasound to have shrunken to a manageable size to where my Physician believed it had dissolved or possibly burst and we began hormone treatment (The Clomid).

Well today some ovarian pain came back & my Dr. believes there may be another cyst that's materialized or just grown. (The hormones would've made it grow.) So on Monday if I'm still having pain off to get a fun internal Ultrasound I go. They're NOT fun, trust me. (Rolling eyes)

This weekend, if I experience sharp pain then it's off to the Emergency Room where the on call Reproductive Endocrinologist can be paged to figure out if its a twisted ovary or if its growth pain of the cyst or if the cyst has burst.

This weekend shall be interesting & I plan on chilling, no wild parties or head stands. Lol.

Hopefully this will be me soon ... Happy as a lark but KNOCKED UP! :-)

The "Awakening"

Well ... time to catch everyone up on what's been going on.

So ... I took my last dosage of Clomid & wow!  You'd think there were little gnomes inside of me just a working away on my ovaries harvesting those eggs!  Holy cow!  I'm really aware of my body, I need to be especially around ovulation time.  I normally ovulate on my right side.  Well, my left side decided to wake from it's slumber & join the party!  I'm not quite sure what it's issue has been for the past probably year but it's been on a little staycation & just hanging out not really doing anything.  My right ovary has been doing all of the work which I'm sure it's quite bitter about.  Kinda like when I was a kid & my little brother refused to do the dishes when he was told to & I got stuck with them.  You know what I'm talking about.  

So my left ovary is awakened & rumbling around, kinda trying to figure out if it's going to release an egg or not.  I'm tracking my ovulation.  Now this it the FUN part (not) I have to be up by 0700 & basically urinate into a cup (not a coffee cup mind you, it's a ovulation kit so it has it's own little cup & sticks.) & put a stick in, wait 5 minutes & see if there's 2 pink lines that tell me that my hormone levels are up meaning I'm ovulating.  Then when the stick turns that I am ovulating I have to call the on call Dr. & let them know what I'm ovulating.  This has to be before 0730 - I still haven't figured out why. LOL -  This gives us a 12-hour window to do our "thing" in order to catch that egg (or eggs with the Clomid) to conceive.  Our Dr. gave us a 25% chance due to how many egg follicles I have.  I've got 32.  Most women have 11 to 15.  So it's just the actual AGE of my eggs that are the issue.  Ugh (banging forehead against the wall).  Who said 40's are our best??  

Now I'm not sure how many of you know but I'm married to a Paramedic who works 24-hour shifts ... yeah ... that means that if I'm ovulating on one of shift days, that means we may miss our window of opportunity.  Luckily this month he was home.  YAY!  

Here's where it's going to get real & honest ... Sadly the romance was taken out of it.  If you're going through this you have to so your "thing" on cue.  I love my husband & the greatest gift of our love is making a baby but to actually have to do it on a set day then again the next day & a day later just gets kinda old.  I'm just being honest & I know my husband would say the exact same thing.  You've just got to talk about it & remember that you're doing this out of love.   Okay, enough serious stuff!  

So ... back to my over working ovaries!  They're doing they're thing then BAM!  My right ovary releases an egg.  HOLY CRAP!  I'm doubled over!  WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!  LOL ... I actually felt it physically release from the follicle.  It was JUST like those videos we got to see when we were in high school when they separated the girls & the boys and we got to see the "video" about being a woman.  Yeah, it was like that.  It happened three times.  It was truly the strangest thing ever.  Normally when I ovulate I get a little pang & I know it's time but not this gut wrenching pain.  After it was over I could I sort of feel the egg travel down.  It truly was THE strangest thing.  

Youch! X3 shooting out!

 So, my ovaries are feeling like lemons, maybe oranges & if one of the dogs steps on them I'm throwing them off of me.  Okay, NOT throwing them, just gently removing them.  Normally I let them lay on my belly but not since the Clomid.  No puppies on my belly!  Not happening.  I'm still sore!  I'm not sure if that means that it's a side effect of the Clomid & it's just calming down or if I am pregnant.  Hoping the latter of course.  

Went to Target & got a flu shot & got the preservative free one - my Pharmacist loves me so much!  She's looking out for me.  She remembered that I got the Clomid & asked if I had taken it & when I had ovulated & if we had done our "thing" ... her exact words, I swear.  She's so funny.  So I had to drive to another Target to get a preservative free shot but it's better to be safe than sorry.  I'm thankful to her.  She's great.  

So ... ovaries are still in overtime.  I test February 2nd to see if I'm the big P!  I'll let y'all know.  : ) 

I have also heard that there are some readers who are going through what I'm going through.  I hope that my humor isn't offensive & that I'm making you laugh & helping you.  You're ALWAYS welcome to email me & ask any questions you may have.  My email is AmyMullins13@hotmail.com.  This fertility stuff is confusing, emotional, technical & scary.  We all need to stick together so contact me if you need support.  

Much love to you all!

P.S. One last anecdote ... My amazing hubby was laying around with me the other day & I thanked him for putting up with me during this whole ordeal & he said to me "Well it was sortra difficult because to be honest for a few days you were a hormonal raging bitch."  I just laughed.  I think I'm back to normal.  :)