This was a note that I posted on Facebook after our Dr's appt to go over our "plan" with our Dr. This note was posted on December 17th, 2012. This gives you a better understanding of where we are with our options.
As many of you know we had an appointment with our Reproductive Endocrinologist at University of Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine. Dr. McShane & her staff are the best of the best. They've been beyond amazing to us the past few months & this appointment was to put together the endless testing we've gone through (more me than Jonathan but that's okay I've got more to test).
We meet with just Dr. McShane in her office where she explained that all of our tests have come back within normal ranges - which we already knew as we have access to them online - We fall into the "unexplained category" ... she said our options are ...
1) Clomid (an oral egg stimulating medication) then an injection that will make my lining thicker, an ultrasound to measure it to be sure everything is ready then an IUI (injection of J's sperm directly into my uterus ... to put it into a simple term ... a turkey baster method. LOL) that's $1,000 ... that holds about a 5-10% chance of success. Kinda a lot of money for not very much chance of success. Plus I'm putting hormones into my body & going through a semi-invasive treatment for a 5-10% chance of a pregnancy.
2) Straight to IFV. Using my egg & Jonathan's sperm it's a 10 - 15% chance that it would work & it's $18,000 EACH try. This involves injectible hormones, them harvesting my eggs & Jonathan's sperm, putting them together in a petri dish & making sure they're healthy - the University has the ability to extract cells to make sure there are no genetic abnormalities with the growing embryo then implanting them at a specified time. Using a donor egg (which means a younger egg) the change of pregnancy increases to 70% & is $20,000. I sat there in tears ... it NEVER dawned on us nor had we had a discussion of every needing to use a donor EGG ... as tears streamed down my face I had to ask "would we be able to pick out what the baby looked like?" She kindly answered "Yes, you can pick out brown eyes, height, body type, ethnic history, etc.." Jonathan was rubbing my back & handing me tissues. The shock of this was overwhelming. It STILL is ... Jonathan & some random woman's genetic material ... it's a lot to wrap my head around.
3.) Adoption. From the short time we've had to investigate adoption & discuss we've both agreed that we will be doing a domestic adoption - please don't try to inflict your opinions on us, this is OUR child & we have our reasons - we understand there are children all over the World that need loving homes but we have our reasons & I am not going to get into it now - and the costs range around $18,000 to $25,000 for adoption as well & that's without attorney's fees.
So we had a VERY disappointing day at the RE's office & have a lot to think about.
What we don't want ... We DON'T want to hear about "miracle babies" & "relax & it'll happen" or "forget about it & it'll happen" or "start the adoption process & you'll get pregnant" ... We know these words come from love but unless you've BEEN where we are we really don't want to hear it ... We're grieving ... let us grieve. We're grieving what could've been.
We didn't expect to have to go this route. We've decided to try one round of the IUI & if it doesn't happen then we're just not sure which route we're going to take next if at all ... to spend $18,000 on a 10% chance on IFV with our egg & sperm is a gamble we're not really quite sure we want to take. But to spend $18,000 on adoption is something completely different.
We'd love a child no matter where it came from. We'd still cheer it at it's soccer/hockey games, clap & cry at it's choir concerts, cry as it hops on the bus off to it's first day of Kindergarten & be proud to teach it to read, write & bake cookies at Christmas. We'd love to teach it to clap, play peek-a-boo, walk, run, and swim. We'd tuck it in every night with a kiss on the forehead & check on it before we went to bed praying that God watches over it while we sleep.
We have a lot of tough decisions to make & a lot of money to come up with to get our dream child. Paramedics don't make a lot of money - a $40,000 income doesn't go along way. Doesn't mean we don't have any less love to give though. Just pray that God will provide for us ... Obviously things won't happen soon - We have patience, we've waited 5 years & can wait more if we have to ... we want a child more than any "possession" in the World. We don't view children as possessions, we view them as gifts from God. If it's in God's plan for us to be parent's than we'll be overjoyed & love it more than any parent could ... if not, we'll be devastated but okay.
Our wedding photo - March, 2007
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